Policy

Return Policy:

Our shipping and inventory are managed by a separate company. Our official policy is to not accept returns, but of course there are exceptions in unique cases. So if you wish to return an item for some reason, please contact us first. Otherwise, it'll be out of our hands, your return will not be refunded regardless of reason, and your item will be donated to charity. Which, actually, from a purely morally utilitarian standpoint, is the most ethical and commendable choice. So on second thought, return everything.

Refund Policy:

Refunds are only provided if an item is damaged or defective. If this happens, please contact us with a photo and description of the issue. We will get back to you as soon as possible. We do not offer refunds in cases of buyer's remorse, sizing issues (we provide sizing charts on every page), lateness, because you misunderstood a listing, or in the event you decide you don't like the product for some reason. The last of which is unimaginable as we only offer the highest quality and most fashionable accessories, we're not paying you to have bad taste.

Lost/Stolen Item Policy:

While we can track your package, we cannot confirm whether or not it's gone missing. Please be absolutely sure it is indeed missing before contacting us about this. In most cases, we unfortunately cannot refund these orders, but some exceptions can be made. We know, it's cynical, and we're sorry to have to have this policy, but keep in mind that if you're pulling a fast one, you're stealing from the guy on your shirt.

Influencer Policy:

No we will not give you free stuff in exchange for social media "exposure." We hate social media exposure, we have not developed the pavlovian response to the 2001: A Space Odyssey monolith telephone. We don't want arbitrary zuckbucks and phone points, we want to eat.

Karen Policy:

We reserve the right to refuse service to unruly or abusive customers. If you contact us, treat us like we're human. We are not Amazon, nor are we bots. If you can afford band merch, you're punching down. We wish we didn't have to put this up, but good lord some people are just the worst - am I right retail folks?

General Misanthropy Policy:

Lastly, we reserve the right to berate, shame, disrespect or dismiss you and your tiny, myopic worldview in any of our vapidly parasocial correspondence, and will only apologize if we actually mean it.